​​​​Ryan KUSHNER

McSweeney's Internet Tendency

• The White Hand of Saruman Will Be Given Only To Uruk-Hai Who Subscribe To SaruBlue

 

Medium

• I Didn’t Spend 4 Years in Skywriting School to Help Sven Propose to My Ex-Girlfriend

• Why I was Banned From the Bob Ross Certified Instructor Program

• A Few Notes From Karate Class

• I Wrote the Novel ‘Baby Shark’ Is Based On

• Why I Became A Phonebook Salesman in 2018

• Avatar Fan Club Meeting: Please DO NOT Park in the Joann Fabrics Next Door

• Why I Left My Eight-Figure Salary To Go To Prison For Tax Fraud

• I Had to Lay Off My Two Goons Due to Budget Constraints

• An Art Critic Reviews Playground Sculptures​
   

Weekly Humorist

• Instructions For You If My Pants Are On Fire
   

Slackjaw

• How to Determine Whether You Should Allow Zerbia, My Pet Chimpanzee, To Attend My Funeral
   

Points in Case

• You Ain’t from ‘Round These Parts, Are You? Best Subscribe to My Newsletter, Pard

• Guided Meditation to Help You Stop Thinking About the Boat Tunnel Scene in "Willy Wonka"

• 3 Ways to Die with Dignity While Choking on an Old Band-Aid in a Victoria's Secret

• Why You Should Reelect Me to the St. Anthony Parish Council

• Rejected "Dark Phoenix" Poster Concepts by Someone Who Clearly Never Saw the Movie
   

Robot Butt

• Wizard of Oz Under Scrutiny For Spending $1.2 Billion in City Funds on Yellow Brick Road

• I Didn’t Have Anything Nice to Say So I Didn’t Say Anything at All. Here’s What Happened.

• I’m the Random Bird Flying Around Walmart and I’m Not Here to Amuse You